When parents and/or children are tired, emotions run high and it's much harder to stay calm and do the right thing so having a calm bedtime routine can make a massive difference to having a calm and happy home.
Here are some tips for building a good bedtime routine...
Try and keep bedtime and waking up times the same regardless of whether it is a school day or weekend - by letting them sleep late at the weekend it makes it harder for them to wake up on a school day - it's basically like jet lag! Towards the end of the school holidays start waking them up earlier so it isn't such a shock to the system on the first day back. Turn the light on in their rooms and open the curtains as the light will naturally start the waking process.
Turn off the TV and screens at least an hour before bedtime - the blue light from screens interferes with the natural production of melatonin.
No exercising or exciting games a least an hour before bed as these can be too stimulating. Tire them out (especially in fresh air which encourages melatonin, the sleep hormone) earlier in the day.
Do not allow phones and tablets in the bedroom at all, if possible, but definitely from 2 hours before bedtime.
Keep their room dark as the sleep cycle relies on darkness to know it is time to sleep.
Keep the room cool as cooler rooms mimic melatonin which drops body temperature to enable sleep.
Warm milk and oats both contain melatonin, and bananas contain magnesium, both of which promote sleep.
Stagger bedtimes and while one parent is putting one child to bed, let the other child(ren) have full enjoyable attention of the other parent doing something calm like reading a story together or drawing.
Try having a family meeting with older children to decide together how to organise bedtime, and agree together on a plan so they have some control too.
If, or when, they come out of their rooms just quietly lead them back in. Don't argue as this will rocket energy and stress levels. Just repeat in a calm voice sometimes like 'it's bedtime now'. Make a bedtime routine poster with the bedtime routine for each child on it.
Progressive muscle relaxation can really help:
Example Routine
Start the bedtime routine 30-40 mins before you want them in bed
No screens at least 1 hour before bed, including TV, to cut down mental stimulation.
Brush teeth, have a bath or shower, into PJs.
Keep them upstairs during the bedtime routine
Turn off main lights and use lamps to encourage their body to realise it’s night time
Blackout their windows – don’t have a blackout blind? Try spraying the window with water and sticking up tin foil cut to fit.
After teeth and bath, use a bedtime box of quiet activities such as colouring, Lego or puzzles – or for older kids, a list of appropriate calm activities to choose from.
Make sure they get a chance to chat and spend time with you before bedtime, and that they’ve been to the toilet and have everything they need before you put them to bed.
If they keep coming down, stay calm and don’t allow them to drag you into conversations. Keep saying the same thing over along the lines of: “It’s time to sleep. Please stay in your bed.” And return them to their room. Stay calm and quiet. Keep doing it as often as is necessary.
For even the slightest improvement in bedtime (such as staying quietly in the room even if not asleep) praise A LOT and specifically. E.g not just 'I'm proud of you’ but 'I'm proud of you for staying in your room'. It may take days or weeks for the behaviour to change so you must stick to it.